Shaadi Ka Ladoo.....

Sitting here, biding my time, I wait for the clock to strike 11 so that I can leave for the airport. Just when I start getting into the "What do i do now after checking-my-mails, getting-my-coffee" mode, I get pinged (IM ed aka Instant Messaged) by a friend of mine. He has tried to make contact after a very long time. Though that should be reason enough for me to be suspicious, my naivety gets the better of me, and I think that it could be because I am early to office (which in itself is a very fishy business). After a 10 lines of finding out how we are doing I come to know that he is getting "married". And I slide into my dream world of "baraat", "halwai", "girls" (of course, the ones other than the bride - what were you thinking ?). I am jolted out when I see myself sitting in the groom's cauldron. As the stylish girls would say, "Aannnyyywaaayyz........"

I have always been enamored by this marriage season. Seeing marriage processions, bedecked cars and people dancing as if they are the ones married - On second thoughts maybe some are dancing thinking "Thank God I am not yet married" and some others rejoicing the fact that now another loser has joined their ranks, under full consciousness. The lights always enticed me beguiling me into thinking that the whole thing is so happy and gay (According to Merriam and Websters Dictionary gay means "keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits").

An aside, while I was looking for the meaning of the word "gay", one of my managers came from behind and "caught" me. Well, it was a tough time explaining that I was trying to be grammatically correct and not parliament-arily incorrect.

But when my sister got married and my dad set his sights on me like the Japanese have set theirs on the poor whales, (Watch Video) there was no Rainbow Warrior or Greenpeace around to save me. My mum played the part of International Whaling
Commission, presiding stoically over the proceedings as my dad posted my "profile" on matrimonial websites.

This is not going to be a disclosure of my bride-seeking accounts - since I am still in that mode. The same way as intelligence agency chiefs publish their books after they retire and not while they are in service. But sometimes these affairs are seriously hilarious (noticed my usage of the oxymoron !).

One guy called my dad and picked a fight with him because my dad told him that you can access all the information on the web and it was the other person who needed to give information. I guess Father-In-Laws-To-Be are touchy. Once my dad pushed me into seeing a girl all by myself; no reinforcements to back on. I mean normally, when I am with my parents, I am sure that I would not get kicked out of their house in case I crack a bad joke. Shit! Now when I think about it, that is the reason they don't like me. I crack useless jokes with impunity when I am with my parents. Voila! I am digging my own grave and asking my parents to oversee it. In this solo microflight I had to encourage questions like "What kind of a Mishra are you". Was that a rhetorical? I mean, the way people say "What kind of a nincompoop are you".

My dad has his own way of saying that "We don't mean no dowry". He says "We don't want anything but if you are giving a Mercedes, I am not going to refuse". Bottom line, he gives rise to more doubts rather than laying the existing ones to rest.

My granny is the hardest nut to crack. Reason - she melts down for every proposal. (Another exemplary play on the contrasts !). I guess she also believes in "Every child is special". It is hard to convince her to see the next proposal because she is stuck on to the current one and once she graduates to the next one, the story continues.

Mum and sister are stoic about the whole thing. I guess, even though I am their son and brother, respectively, they cannot see another woman suffering. Sigh! What a gross misunderstanding. I am the best husband someone can have. Humorous, earning enough to fend for myself - that way my wife will have only herself to take care of, not very bad in looks - considering that the only piece of make up I use is hair oil - that too if it qualifies as one. As I try hard to convince everyone that I am a good problem to have, please be on the look out for a homely, shy, outgoing and exuberant Brahmin girl.